Confidently saying “no” to offers that are worse than your alternatives is key. Steps 1 through 3 are likely to increase your confidence in negotiation because you have plan, know what you want and have gathered critical information.

Confidence is important not only because it influences how others respond to you but also because confident negotiators are more likely to persist.

The idea of saying “No” to unreasonable offers from someone important like your boss or a close colleague may make you want to run for cover. But try rethinking the meaning of “No.” “No” does not mean, “I reject you and all that you stand for;” it means your solution to our mutual problem may not be ideal or even possible.

For example, when your boss asks you for a new budget report by then end of the day, it is probably unwise to say “No, I can’t do that. I planned to work on something else today.” Instead your “no” might sound like a question, “You need a new report by the end of the day? The last one took two weeks to generate and fuly confirm with all of our divisions.”  To which your boss might reply “Well I need it much sooner than two weeks,” which opens up a negotiation about time frame. Or she might reply, “Yes I need it today or by the morning at the latest,’ which could open up a negotiation about resources and people who could help meet that deadline. Offering a generative “no” allows for further conversation and problem solving.

Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, emphasizes that “No” is often the start to a negotiation not the end of it. Of course, how you say no matters. I recommend Peter Bregman’s “Nine practices to help you say no!”

Remembersometimes a request or negotiation hits you unexpectedly. For instance, your coworker might approach you with a request as you are walking down the hall or sitting down to lunch. Don’t panic! Recognize that these spontaneous encounters are also opportunities to negotiate and remember the 4A’s –Aspire, Analyze, Ask, Assert. See if you can postpone the negotiation with a generative “No.” Even if it’s an urgent matter you probably have time to go to the restroom (hopefully with your mobile device), gather more information and set a target. Taking just a few minutes to think about your target goals and alternatives can make all of the difference.

Reflect: Have I set my target and planned sufficiently? Have I prepared several ways to say “no” to unreasonable request that will keep the relationship going and give me time to plan?

Now I would like to hear from you. Please share your negotiation experiences in the comments.